4:30 in the morning the time when most of the world is asleep, it’s a magical moment where you can drive anywhere and never wait at a traffic light or even encounter another soul on the roads. Being in a college town the only people I ever see out on the roads that early are the ones heading home from a crazy night o partying. If you have never driven around this early in the morning you should try it sometime it is great!
This is also the time that I wake up every weekday morning, its rough sometimes, but always refreshing. I have not once regretted waking up at such an early hour, only regretting the few (five) times that I did not wake up so early and get a jumpstart on my day.
Because I wake up so early people automatically assume that my life is together and that I complete all the goals I set in my life. That I am more disciplined than a marine in basic training. Which is pretty far from the truth, well at least most recently.
For the past few weeks my self-control and my ability to force myself to do the things I need to do has been lacking. It’s as if I have torn my discipline muscle and now cannot live logically, thinking and acting on the bigger plan. As if my ability to control myself was broken, so all I am able to do are the things my mind most wants me to do in that moment.
This lack of discipline has caused me to go from being ahead in school and demolishing each day, to barley getting through the day without failing. Doing uncharacteristic and irresponsible things like starting my homework the day it is due. I have let my education suffer, the education that I am working so hard to afford, the education that I find joy in because it makes me feel good when I master a new skill or concept. Heck I am surprised that I am up late Wednesday night writing this blog instead of simply going to bed when I got home at 10 pm.
For some arbitrary and unexpected reason, I have let myself get into this funk where I do what I want when I want, being impulsive in my choices. Now by no means has my life gone spiraling out of control and woke up naked in Mexico cracked out on cocaine. But it is bad enough to agitate me in the moments when I am my disciplined, goal oriented self.
I want to get back to my usual self that plans ahead, does things well in advance, ignores the easy way out, and focuses in on completing all the tasks I set out to do. But I am not sure how to do this. I have read a ton of literature in my life about the power of habits, how your mindset is key, and how to set achievable goals that are a part of a larger scheme of a giant success. I know the stuff that makes people successful and keeps them disciplined.
Yet I have let my habits be redefined into afternoon naps and bedtime as soon as I get home, my mind is set on doing the fun stuff not the important stuff, and my mini goals are created and then run away and hide along with the half of my socks. Like seriously I have so many divorced socks it is not even funny.
Anyways, I write this to you with no master plan on how to get my will power back, mostly to just vent my frustrations about myself and in a hope that you can relate to or learn from my struggles. One thing I am going to do starting now, is win small victories, do the easy and simple stuff correct like post my blog on time, make my bed, and stick to the next commitment I make. Which brings me to my next point; I am going to post a blog every day at 6 am for the next few days.
How I will have the time to do this with finals being next week and all, I am not sure but there has been a lot of things in my life that I figured out while in the process of doing it. This will just be another one of those things on my list. Also I am in the process of developing another segment of writings that will be included in, “Thoughts with Thomas,” more details to come. I know exciting, but please keep yourself composed.
So I challenge you to never give up or accept the way things are, to challenge yourself and restart no many how many times it takes. Because there is no such thing as a bad day, only good days and growth days. As always; make good choices, share if you like what I said, comment if you have something to add, and I’ll see you tomorrow.