Life Events

How Not to Tie Something Down

Friends help friends move, this is the true test and testament of friendship. For this reason I found myself in a strangers driveway helping my friend Hailee move a table across town. Now the easiest mode to do this would be to put it in a truck bed. But all we had access to is my Kia hamster-mobile, Kev Kev’s Corolla (his real name is Kevin but we call him Kev Kev, why we do this I can’t remember I think his girlfriend started it), and Hailee’s mid-sized SUV.

Due to these constraints we were forced to tie this table down to the roof of Hailee’s SUV. (I reluctantly forgot to take pictures of this accomplishment). This shouldn’t be a problem with my extensive engineering background, Kev Kev’s 550 chord (really strong rope), and Hailee’s… Uh well she didn’t bring much to the table.

bad joke

But between Kev Kev and myself it should be easy right? WRONG! Our first tie down configuration failed the jostle test. This is when you finish tying down an object and give it a good shake to see if it’ll move, which it did. It moved a lot. However, being the smart people we are Kev Kev and I figured out our flaws in tying down the table and corrected them. Perfectly securing the table top to the roof of her car. Or so we thought.

I was not in the car nor did I see this first hand but according to Hailee she, “felt the table jump up in the air.” All I know for sure is that she turned her flashers on and slowed her SUV down to a crawl. We pulled into the nearest parking lot and to my surprise all the 550 cord we tied so “tight” was not tight anymore. Needless to say my pride as an engineering pupil was slightly damaged. Regardless Kev Kev and I went back to work, fixing our flaws once again and adding another 30 feet of rope to ensure that the table was secure.

However, this reconfiguration was taking time. Time we didn’t have because one, Hailee had to be somewhere in 20 minutes and two we were all about to fall into a heat stroke. Luckily I lived less than a quarter of a mile from where we were. So Kev Kev and I finished our third tie down configuration so that it was good enough to go down the road, and for an extra safety measure Kev Kev stuck his hand out the window to hold the table down and prevent any slippage from occurring. This new configuration worked, and now I have my first ever table as an adult. Sure I am only holding onto it for a few days until someone comes and gets it from me, but it is the first ever real table I’ve had in my apartment.


        *please excuse the mound of books on the floor I read them regularly (nerd alert) so I don’t re-          shelve them.

Now I am no savage, I have had a table, but the only reason I can call it one is because I put a piece of tape on a cooler that says “coffee table,” therefore it is no longer a cooler but an insulated coffee table. That’s how that works right?

You may think this is strange but I call it my style. What style is that exactly? It’s a bachelor pad that emphasizes Dickies Barbeque cups as cook wear, a pull up bar instead of a closet door, hodge podge homemade furniture, and whiteboards as wall art. And as you can tell by the pictures having a real table and real chairs in my apartment is really cramping my style. Nevertheless friends help friends move, even if the “helping move” is more of a try not to break the table or wreck the car behind you.

Let the choices you make be good, the follow button be hit, if you have something to add or want to make fun of my inability to secure stuff onto roofs comment below, and if I said something cool share it with your Facebook friends. See you on Saturday.

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