Life Events

How I Accidentally Became a Minister

It was a slow day at work, and with any slow day there was a large group of lifeguards sitting around in the office. With this many people crammed into a room with nothing to do, conversation was constant and constantly changing. Somehow we got onto the topic of becoming an ordained minister, and how easy it is to become one through varies websites.

Me being the curious natured person I am, I wanted to see how in depth the application process was. So I hopped onto google and found a reliable ordainment website. I knew the Universal Life Church Monastery was legit because it had photos of other famous ministers that received ordainment through them. People like, Conan O’Brien, Lady Gaga, and Steven Colbert.


After verifying the website, I began my ordainment process by clicking the gigantic button on the home page that read, “Begin Ordination Now.” This directed me to the common get your information page, prompting me to fill in my name, email address, and account password.

Now all I really knew about this Universal Life Church was that it had Lady Gaga as a minister. For all I know it could be one of those West Burrow Baptist Church religious cults. So the most natural thing to do was to use an alias instead of do a quick Google search of the church’s doctrine. The alias I decided to use is my common nickname of Trixie Rockford. Where this strange name came from, that’s a story for another time.

I entered Trixie’s name and a fake email, and then hit the button at the bottom of the webpage that read, “proceed.” I was quite interested to see what the qualifications/ ordainment requirements were, and half expected to have to go through one of those online trainings where you read through a power point and take a quiz at the end. And when I say “read through” I mean click to the next slide as fast as possible to get to the end and take the quiz until I pass.

However, after I clicked the proceed button the next screen to appear was my certificate saying that I am an ordained minister.

celebrateBesides finger painting and taking naps, becoming an ordained minister is the easiest thing I have ever done. I’ve had more trouble trying to order a coffee from Starbucks’s foreign language of a menu. All I needed to become a minister was a name, email, and password. All of which were made up and arbitrary. So yes, technically I am not an ordained minister my alias is one, but still the process was a little too easy.

Nevertheless, I will be putting my newfound certification to use through baby dedications
of newly caught Pokémon, and officiating weddings. If you are interested in any of my serves please visit my new website Click at your own risk I have no idea where this will actually direct you. I am too scared to type it into my web browser.

In all seriousness, this drive through ordainment has reminded me that sometimes in life, tasks may seem difficult or insurmountable. But at the end of the day, as you review the process, it sometimes wasn’t as hard as it seemed. You’ll never know unless you try.

As always, make good choices, give that follow button a hit, comment if you have something to add, share if you like what I said, and I will see you on Saturday.



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