Christianity · Life Events

How to Date A Christian Girl

(*** Normally my blogs are about true events in my life and 100% accurate despite how crazy the story may be. Occasionally I am more satirical than true. These times I preference my blog with this type of heading. So yes this is not how I actually recommend you date a girl. But if you want go head and use these tips and let me know how it goes I am excited to hear.)

If you have not read my blog on <<How To Spot a Christian Girl>> then I recommend you start there before you learn about how to date a Christian girl.  Because you don’t need to be worrying about taking a girl on a date until you have learned how to find one first. Some of you that are super talented may take a few days to master this skill. I call you the rare and lucky group. If you are anything like me, it will take you several years of intense research to figure out how to carry a 5 minute conversation with a person of the female species.

Once I finally figured out how to do this, I stalked a girl to ensure that she was Christian and worthy of dating and then managed to talk to her enough to convince her to go on a date with me. Lucky for you I will tell you the process of how I secured a date with this lucky (or maybe unlucky) lady that I now call my girlfriend.

So after stalking her for a few days in real life to ensure that she was the girl for me I decided to kick things up a notch and look her up on Facebook. Having a thorough understanding of what she looked like I was able to spot her Facebook profile picture, and then slid into her DM’s with a nice complement.

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I am guessing she liked the complement because she messaged me back a few days later, beginning our first ever conversation.

Our communication via Facebook messenger continued for a few months until I mustered up the courage to ask her to hang out in person. Now this part is key. You do not want to be too forward and say the “D” word. That is a big step and way too scary for me to even think about typing to a girl. I left the nature of us interacting in-person ambiguous because it’s less scary, and I think women like it that way. Clarity is overrated and reckless on my emotions.

She agreed to us “hanging out,” and I met her at Breakaway the following Tuesday as any good Christian couple would. At first it was a little awkward as I stumbled around trying to hold a conversation with a member of the female species, but I remembered my research and was able to have a 10 minute conversation without any awkward moments!

We continued to hang out in large groups of friends going to the Chick-fil-A or as I like to call it Chick-fil-Bae, as well as Breakaway and disk golf in the park with friends. The friend part is key. You see in order to date a Christian girl and take her on romantic dates to Chick-fil-A, it is crucial that y’all have chaperones to ensure that both of your purities stay pure. I don’t know what it is but the way my little lady orders an 8 count nugget with BBQ sauce but it just makes me lose my head and want to frontal hug her. I am talking nipple to nipple. Serious stuff.

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Luckily we always have a chaperone that helps me keep my head on straight and prevents me from stumbling and frontal hugging my girlfriend. It is perfectly acceptable to side hug your girlfriend, but you never want to have less than a 60 degree angle between y’all. This allows you to make an equal lateral triangle with you, your girlfriend, and Jesus.

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Our relationship was pretty smooth sailing and getting pretty serious until she asked me the scariest question I have ever been asked in my entire life.  I would much rather solve differential equations using Laplace Transforms than be asked this question again.

Like why would she ask such an obvious question of, “what are we?” Isn’t it obvious that we are dating since we go to Chick-fil-A once a week and side hug afterwards? I have never felt such a fear as when I was speaking clarity about our relationship. Like I said earlier clarity is overrated. I almost broke it off with her right then and then because she likes to live life too dangerously. Luckily we were able to work through the hard conversation with the help of our chaperones and tomorrow will be getting rings at a special ceremony.

As always, make good choices, share if you like what I said, comment if you have something to add, if you like what you read give that follow button a hit so you won’t miss out on more, and I will see you on Sunday with a story about my special ring.

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3 thoughts on “How to Date A Christian Girl

  1. is there a girl version of this [the response portion/ what was going on in the girl’s mind during this time]? This article brightened up my day [before facing reality].

    Liked by 1 person

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