In The News · Life Events

Lets Talk About Porn

*** disclaimer I talk about rape, sex, & pornography, so if you don’t know what that is get an adult, but if you are that 8 year old boy that has unrestricted internet access and have already fallen into the dark side of the internet stay here, it may be good for you.***

For the past few months there has been a lot of chatter about the vast amounts of sexual assault and sexual harassment within Hollywood, from Harvey Wiensten to the Golden Globes the talk has been nearly constant. Chatter that extended beyond Hollywood and into common folks social media as countless victims shared part of their story with the #metoo trend. Making the statistic that One in six women and one in 71 men will be a victim of an attempted or completed rape at some point in their lives (NSVRC & RAINN ) become more of a reality than a number.

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With this public discussion, there has also been a lot of debate, a lot of pointing fingers, a lot of accusations, and a lot of conclusions. Whether or not this chatter is beneficial or just a bunch of millennials yelling at each other with 140 characters is not what I am here to discuss. Honestly the end of a discussion, a “solution to the problem” wouldn’t be the right thing to do. More so I am here to keep the conversation going, weigh in on a section of the problem that has seemed to be neglected until now. Porn.

I am not saying that Porn is the soul reason for this societal issue of sexual assault, it’s a complex problem. I am not even saying that this post is all that needs to be said about pornography. As I said earlier this is a means to get the discussion started on a problem that has so far been mostly in the dark.

Now let me address the biggest thing nay sayers are about to fire off in the comments, “porn is an outlet to relieve that sexual tension, here people can fulfill their desire to engage in aggressive sexual activity or casual activity in a healthy and harmless manner.” Which on the surface seems to be somewhat logical. If I have an urge or “need” I can fulfill it removing the need for a partner. But what if that porn your watching is a direct result of sexual assault? A video of the exact assault happening. Because 49% of women in sex trafficking have ended up involved in pornography while being trafficked (Huffington Post). So, chances are, especially in the vast land of internet porn, the women you see on the harmless video you are watching are being raped. Not in the back ally attacked by a stranger sense but in a much more cruel and demeaning way.

Now let’s assume that you can verify that the films you watch are completely consensual, because those films do exist. Hot Girls Wanted is a documentary with a narrative against pornography showing girls entering and exiting the business under their free will. However, it also shows girls being exploited by the internet porn industry and its drive to have a constant stream of new “talent.” With large compensation for first time shoots. But after these young girls spend a few months in the industry they run out of work and are now left with 3 options. 1 – work on more extreme porn shoots (bondage etc.) 2 – not work at all or 3 – try to start a normal career with explicit videos and images circulating the internet. Not great options to choose from.

But what if you only consume pornography filmed by porn stars that have a well footed career in the porn industry. You’re not hurting the actors and actresses so what you do at midnight on your family’s computer or on your iPhone alone in the bathroom has no effect on anyone else. Yet again it is not that simple.

As I said earlier sexual assaults are not only from strangers attacking girls in dark alleys. In fact 70% of assaults are committed by someone the victim knows. But what does this have to do with porn? Assuming you have an internet connect you have an endless supply of pleasure. Meaning whenever you get that initial arousal you can fulfil it, creating an expectation either consciously or subconsciously that when you want it you get it. Meaning when you are intimate with your friend and you begin to develop that sexual arousal, you now have the expectation of pleasure hardwired in your brain. So even if they say stop you keep going, because that is what your brain is hardwired to do. No one says stop in porn, they just go on as if whatever is happening to them is pleasurable even if the reality is far from so, because that’s what those actors and actresses are paid to do.

Which brings me to my second point (maybe 8th depending on how you count). Porn is selfish, its all about you the consumer and what you are into. Rule 34 – “if you can think it there is a porn shoot of it out there.” Now to go back to my statement above of pornography developing the expectation of sexual pleasure. Its not just a simple expectation or habit but one fueled with self-centered desires. I have an urge so I look up this type of porn to fulfill my urge.

I know that there still are some nay sayers out there that feel like I am drawing a brash conclusions that porn generates a selfish expectation so bold that it pushed people to rape others. It sounds crazy I know. I probably am coming off as one of those ultra conservative evangelical Christians that will require my daughters to wear those ankle length skirts. I get it. But before you write me off, think of the hormones that are intertwined within sexual intimacy. The same hormones that in a more tame state get high school boys do stupid stuff in order to impress a pretty girl. Combine those hormones, with a little aggression that is common throughout the porn industry, and the aloneness that consensual intimacy entails. Its easier to see how consensual kissing can turn into assault. But don’t take my word for it, the Huffington post published an article in 2016 about parenting and pornography stating that, “Exposure to pornography creates unrealistic expectations for both women and men when engaging in sex, and that could very well be a driver of sexual assault among young people.” (Huffington Post)

I’ve unpacked a lot and could go on all day on the secular issues of pornography but for the sake of a concise and viable argument I will say one last thing. I have consumed porn in my life and I have not consumed porn in my adult life. And from my experience I can say two things. One porn never starts out how it ends up. No 8 year old (liberal average age for first pornographic exposure) starts out on bondage porn. It almost always starts with still photos and the desire to get more drives them to video, then more intense video and so on. Pornography is never enough at a basic “casual level.”

And lastly, my subconscious view of women was by far more objectified during the time in my life that I consumed porn. The “locker room talk” was more apparent in my life both internally and externally. When I saw a women and I was watching porn I saw their features first. A toxic mindset that is interlaced with pornography that only contributes to the current #metoo problem we face in society.

I post this intimate detail about my life so that you may understand the issue, see my perspective and join in the conversation against pornography. If you or someone you know is struggling with pornography here are a few resources that may help. <<fight the new drug>> & <<Porn Free>> the second link is a parachurch organization however the two talks are heavily laced with secular science that argues against porn, information valuable to both Christians and Non-Christians.

I encourage y’all to join in on this conversation, comment below or if you don’t want to make an account on WordPress I understand. You can always share this on Facebook to start your own conversation. As always make good choices, and I will see you next week. Sorry for such a long-winded blog.

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