So today was my last first day of college. Which is strange. And quite frankly I have no idea what to say, but I just feel as if I need to post a blog about this. Like this is a big deal, right? Cause I don’t feel like it is. I mean I do but I also think I am ignoring the fact that in May I am a has been. Let’s go with that, because currently I have no plans past May 12^th. May 11^th I’m a senior in college I have this stage of life all figured out, living on no budget, staying up too late, waking up too early, and like any good Aggie over committing.

And I know that May 12^th I’m getting free food because no one buys food on there graduation day, so I am looking forward to that. But May 13^th I have no idea. I probably should get a job or maybe go to graduate school, but I don’t have any of that lined up yet. In case you are more of a visual person here is a pictorial representation of what I have figured out for my future.

There is all this imminent change that is about to flood my life, none of which I have figured out, and little of which I have control over. I mean I can control where I apply to or what I apply for but whether that application leads to something, is not up to me. Speaking of, if you are like a hiring manager at Ford, John Deere, or on the admissions bored at A&M I am a lot better at math than writing. (shameless plug)

So here I am running through my last semester of college towards a set of doors; doors that are my future, my next step in this world, bolted shut. And I think I’m kind of okay with it.

No, I have not lost it, at least I don’t think I have. Yes, I would much rather prefer to answer the question “so what are you doing after you graduate?” instead of awkwardly make a few grunting noises as I hopelessly try to change the subject. But I know that it’ll be okay, and it will work out. My transition may not be smooth or easy, but it’ll buff out and I’ll be taken care of. And no this is not blind optimism to prevent me from having a wall eating mental break down.

I’ve been here before. About 4 years ago when I was a senior in high school at this time of year I still had not taken my SAT or applied to any type of school. I had no idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life and I ignored it all in hopes that I could get this state officer position and delay all this life transition another year. Now if you’ve read my blog for a while you’ll know that I did not get the position (post here) and by May reality came crashing down. But amongst the stress I figured it out. Sure, I may have gotten kicked out of community college my first semester (a story for later), but I still made it to the greatest university in the world.

Plus, during all that craziness, I didn’t really know Christ. Like I knew of him, but we didn’t have a Snap streak type of relationship. I was following this world trying (and failing) to find success in the secular realm. But now I know about the Jesus man, have a relationship with him, and know deep in my heart that I am loved and cared for by him no matter what. Now by no means am I anticipating an easy transition full of clarity. If I know anything about God, I know that he is using this time of uncertainty to grow my trust in him, using these trials as lessons. Things that I may not be too thankful for now but will glad to have experienced in a few years.

So maybe that’s why this whole last first day thing is numb to me. Because despite knowing nothing I still know something. I may have to reread this post several times when the transition gets rough but, I know that on the other sides of those doors are great things God has planned for my life. And until the details are ironed out and I know where this door leads I am content knowing that I am loved, and I have a purpose. Regardless of if I go design agriculture machinery or make minimum wage operating agricultural machinery; I will be okay, “making disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” (Matthew 28:19)

As always make good choices, share if you like what I said, comment if you have something to add and I will see you next week.